Confusion is the bulk of my problem now. I’m not sure of anything, anymore. I’m overwhelmed with thoughts and research is difficult. Again, I can type out my thoughts, and correct minor errors, but it’s difficult to read what I’ve just written. For example, I can type out “The quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog.” To look at it after I type it I see “The quick br—-” I have to look at each word, acknowledge it, and then find the next word, sound it out, and grasp the meaning. Obviously, it’s easier when it’s stuff I’ve already written, because I have some idea of what I wrote, but with a sentence in a book or magazine, or online, when I have little idea of what’s being said, it’s more difficult. I also can highlight an area on my phone or computer and find the “read aloud” option. I’ve probably said all this before, which is the other problem. My short-term memory is damaged. Shortly after I’m told something or after I read something, I forget it. When Cindy tells me what we have to do today, or is driving me somewhere and tells me where we’re going, I forget it 10 minutes later. This is very frustrating for the both of us.
And I really don’t know if there’s a point to doing anything, anymore. I sit, or lay, in one spot, until I have to use the restroom. Then I return to my spot. Cindy has the TV on and I can watch it if I position my head so as to see most of the picture. Still, I have a difficult time making out what is happening. If I focus on one object or individual on the screen, the remaining part of the screen disappears. If I’m watching two people singing shoulder to shoulder, one person will disappear. It’s odd, because, the background will sometimes remain but the person disappears. I was told by a doctor that the brain is trying to fill in the missing individual with something it thinks belongs there. Since it sees the background on the left hand side, it’ll assume the same background is on the right hand side. But people are unique and it doesn’t fill in a person on the right hand side.
Balance is a problem as well. When I stand up, I get dizzy. I can’t see the ground below me. I have to look straight down to make sure Rufus isn’t underfoot. Or that there’s nothing impeding my forward progress. Going downstairs from our apartment requires that I make use of the handrails like I’ve not had to do before. Even though the way might seem clear, I can’t trust my eyes. There could be an object on the stairs that the brain has filtered out. When riding in the car I can’t see the land going by in my peripheral vision. That makes everything seem surreal. I have little ideal of what speed we’re going, either.
Our friends, Mark and Tommy, (neighbors of Cindy’s mom, Joan,) helped us retrieve my car from Desert Shores parking lot yesterday. Although it is a drive I once thought I could do blindfolded, I was a little unsure of street-by-street instructions I was giving Mark. But we have the car back, parked in its space here at the apartment complex. Don’t know when, or if, I’ll ever be able to drive it again. My doctors told me my eyes won’t recover. Though, Cindy mentioned what happened to me to her neurologist who raised the idea that I may be able to regain some, if not all, of my normal vision. I think he called it something like a “cortical stroke” and mentioned something like “bariatric chamber” and said that might prove beneficial. Again, her doctor wasn’t privy to all the information my doctors had and was receiving information from a third party. I wasn’t even there when Cindy talked to him. It may be good that Cindy talked to him and he brought up the possibility of my sight improving but it may just be false hope.
opnsutil 